Why The Hiatus

There are times when I feel as though I have nothing good to say. Nothing worth noting. So I don't write. It isn't so much a writer's block as it is just a loss of words, a blankness. My mind is just empty.

There are other times, though, like lately, where my mind is too full. My whole being becomes saturated with ideas, opinions, songs that are stuck in my head, images from film and television that I play over and over again in my mind. I feel so wholly and completely filled up by sensory intake that I don't know where to begin. I can't figure out how to expunge all these thoughts, these images, these sounds, and they almost start to suffocate me. It is like they all just clump together in my mind and I can't separate one from another, can't put any of them down on paper. I can't make sense of what I'm thinking.

My dad, for as long as I can remember, would organize his thoughts into diagrams. At the dinner table, when explaining some complex theory or some new idea that he was planning to present to one of his classes, he would draw figures on paper towels. Three squares all in a row, a line connecting each square to the one before it. Or sometimes he'd draw a large triangle, and within that triangle would be circles and each circle would contain a word, some representation of a larger idea. It never made much sense to me when I had a mouth full of pasta and couple of TV shows that I was worried about missing, but it makes sense to me now.

I have never been a math person. I don't like numbers, equations, complex algorithms. I never saw the value of learning algebra. I remain certain that a calculator can easily do all the math I'll ever need. I like to think in words, not numbers. But I see now the value in math. I recognize its ability to structure and organize a complex world. Squares, triangles, circles on a piece of paper towel, are all just basic geometry. Simple math that creates a sense of order in disorganized world of words. Thoughts go into boxes. Ideas and opinions are grouped by theme, connected by a line drawn from one square to another. This is what I've done, taken the jumbled mess that was rolling around in my head and organized it into diagrams. I can see it more clearly this way. I know now exactly what I'm thinking. It helps to look at my thoughts in this ordered form, each square a different project, a different starting point.

And from this brief foray into the world of math, I have developed a better sense of how to handle my complex world of words. Separation. I have decided to create different spaces for different kinds of thoughts. Thus, from this point forward, this blog will be for creative writing only. Poems, stories, novel excerpts. Feel free to track my progress here. And for other writing, to know what I am thinking, or what is going on in my life, I have created a new blog.
I am hoping that these changes will help me make sense of my own thoughts and keep my head from becoming a jumbled mess. I am hoping these changes will keep me writing and prevent another hiatus.